The Back Story

I need to share with you a little back story. A little bit about me that will help you understand why I am writing a book, why I write on this blog, why I live life, and why we are on this adventure to Georgia.
I was raised in a Christian home. I went to church every Sunday, participated in Sunday school and Wednesday night activities. I made Profession of Faith in 6th grade. I knew God. I could tell you the bible stories I learned and verses I had memorized. Christianity was a part of my childhood. Even though this was built into my education and my family life things were far from perfect. My parents divorced when I was young. And things spiraled from there.

As I continued to grow up I still knew who God was. I still learned about him often. I still believe that he died for my sins. I believed I was a Christian. There was a new normal of life. I had two parents who loved me very much, but they were under two different roofs. I didn't know any different. I didn't know some of the issues that a person, especially a girl, could develop due to being a product of divorce. The problems did show up though.

About the time I got into high school I started to notice I wasn't the smartest, or the prettiest, or the most popular. I sought the attention of any guy that would give it to me. I just wanted a boyfriend like all the smart, pretty girls. That's the start of my downward spiral.

My senior year of high school I dated my abuser. The same guy that I would eventually get married to and have my first child with. He gave me attention, no matter how bad the attention was, it was attention. I made myself believe that I deserved all of it. I wasn't worthy of anything better. At least that's how I felt then. You see, I lost sight of God. I lost sight of how precious I am to Him. I still believed He was my Savior. I still believed he existed, but I wasn't in relationship with him. I had forgotten all the promises God had for me and continued to let the abuse rage on. It got to the point that I couldn't let my daughter get caught in the same situation I was in. I needed to get out. So I did. It was heart wrenching, dramatic, and I truly didn't know what I would do.

So I sought out more guys. I sought out the next relationship. I sought out someone to love me next. I was looking in all the wrong places. I should have been seeking my Heavenly father.

I ended up in a not very serious relationship with my sons father. The minute he found I was pregnant he ran. He didn't want any part of it. So again I was lost. I left searching. Searching for my place, a love I had never felt. At this time I started attending a church with my mom. Here I was finally starting to feel wanted, feel needed, feel loved. I was scared about becoming a single mom of two. I had considered having an abortion. That is probably the hardest thing for me to admit. I didn't want this child. I didn't know how I would take care of two being a single mom. I couldn't do it. God then sent a wonderful couple into my life. They spoke truth, love, and wisdom. I kept my son because of the words they spoke into my life. I will never be able to repay them for what they have done for me.

Three months after my son was born, my on again off again boyfriend from high school showed up at my door. This man was someone I loved. I knew in my heart if I ever had a chance with him again I would take it. He had had a piece of my heart since that first time we dated our freshman year. I flat out told him I already had two kids, figuring he would run away as fast as he could. He stayed. We talked. We started dating. We were married in 2009. We had two beautiful daughters.

Life was great. I had found God, and I mean truly found God. I strived to serve him. I had found the love of my life. I wish I could say the story ended here, but it doesn't.

After 4 years of marriage things started to go down hill. We were always fighting. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him so in turn I just wouldn't do anything. I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed. I gave up. We separated in January of 2014. Our divorce was finalized in October of 2014.

During this time of separation and divorce I turned to God. I knew he would be the only one to help me. Every morning and every night I would do my devotions. I needed to change for myself and for my kids. The way we were living was not it. This was a dark time in my life. It felt like everyone believed him on why our marriage failed, but didn't give me the chance to say why I felt it did. I searched for God. God helped me find the answers I was longing for. He showed me who I was!!! He showed me I am his perfect child. Created to do good things. During this process of finding myself. My ex husband was also finding himself. Soul searching for what to change and fix.

Three months ago God brought us back together. We had reconciled our difference. We apologized and forgave. We were able to start putting our family back together. And then one night after talking about where life was going and what was next for us, I said "We should move." I didn't honestly think he would take me seriously, but he did.

We started looking at states that would be good for his business and for homeschooling. We ended up with Georgia being the choice because we have very gracious friends down there. It would be easier to move where we at least knew one family.

So here we are. A week until we move. Georgia here we come.

Blessings,

Dany